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“Her vaginal ratchet moved in concertina-like-waves, slowly chugging my organ”…Bad sex awards 2018

It’s that time again.

The Bad Sex award 2018 nominees have been announced, by the Literary Review This year they are all male and honesty some of these have the worst metaphors I have ever heard!!

The above quote was from Scoundrels: the Hunt for Hanscalpp by Major Victor Cornwall and Major Arthur St John Trevelyan.

My Ejaculation was violent and repeated. again and again, semen poured from me, overflowing her vagina, turning the sheets sticky… Yuzu slept deeply through it all without making a sound, her breathing even.

Killing commendatore by haruki murakami

Don’t know why but the word semen isn’t very sexy at ALL. not to mention, she’s asleep?? seriously, not too sure why that isn’t a rape scene, but its one of the nominees…

In his mind he pictured her neck, her long neck, her swan’s neck, her Alice in wonderland neck coiling like a serpent, like a serpent, coiling down on him. she had found a way through his clothing and her fingers lightley touched his cock. 

The paper lovers by gerald woodward

His pubic hair is red. His erect penis is a surprise although I had imagined what they would feel like, read about them, seen them represented on toilet walls and magazines. I didn’t see it before he entered me, but afterwards, it is small and sticky and amusing. I want to touch it but I don’t dare. I don’t know the etiquette. 

Grace’s day by william wall 

Ah, well… I’m a little shocked really. its quite blunt and a little disturbing description of sex. 

They stay in this position for a long time, Anna sucking and slurping with the same lazy persistence you’d use on a gobstopper or a stick of rock

Kismet by Luke Tredget

Cum inside me. Cum inside me. cum inside me. Blinding breathless shaking overwhelming exploding white God I cum inside her my cock throbbing we’re both moaning eyes hearts souls bodies one. 

Katerina by james fey

To be honest this seems like a lot of words just added together with next to no grammar. not only this, but I feel that it uses most of the correct words I would expect from an erotic sex scene but , it seems disjointed and out of context. not the worst, yet not terribly great either. 

And the winner is…

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